We made it but…

We made it to our duty station, I am overwhelmed how big this place is and that’s a good thing and a bad thing. We are living out of a hotel with two kids and no ac and it well… sucks but it’s all worth because my dear soldier is here. Before we took the seven hour drive to our destination the kids and I went to church. I am so glad that we went  my eldest got up on stage singing and dancing with the rest of them it was precious. At the end of the service people were going up being prayed on and for and my granny shoved me and the kids up there. I had intentions on going but got side tracked in cleaning up the baby puke off everything and everyone. Everyone began to pray for me and and the babies, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I have never felt it, I was so stressed, broke, and a nervous wreck. I felt Gods power work and he lifted everything off my shoulders. I was going down with a hope and a prayer…. I woke up got “x” amount of dollars in the mail and the next day got our tax money! It was such a blessing I was so overwhelmed by this, speechless… I have always known that He was over me and protected me and He has always let me know  some how some way. But, this time it was unbelievable.

With that said I shoved all the kids in the car and begin our journey. So, 6 hours and one speeding ticket later we got to the airport to pick up my dear solider it was so beautiful. The kids were so happy to see their daddy. I was so happy to see him, I didn’t have a care in the world I was ready to be a wife to him and really get some help with the kids. It has been great but at the same time it hasn’t soaked in that he was going to stay awhile and quite honestly I was waiting for him to leave again. We got here on March 18th and my husband went to his unit on March 23 (his first day I might add) and just when I finally was trying to get comfortable with the idea of him here…. He is deploying at the end of April. I am pissed, crushed, and the signs of depression is setting in. I’m tired of trying to keep strong for the family and I have no one to be strong for me. He is fixing to leave again. He told them the situation… he has been gone for a year! Missed out on ALOT, and now again. He says that he will be gone for only four months…. I am not effin stupid. His unit deployed in February and won’t be back till next year…. we’ll see I am not even being set up for that one.

April 20th will be our second year of marriage luckily we get to spend this one together, our first year of marriage was hard, really hard. Mostly my fault trying to be cool for everyone else and not focusing on what really matters. The good thing about the Army is that this has brought us together, a lot more, but the downside is we are not growing together, we are growing separately and to me that is a strain on our marriage. I am not going to get into all of it but, to some who knows what this is like knows what I mean. Before he signed on that line we discussed about him joining the pros, the cons, but damn we didn’t think it was going to be this hard. Now, we both have to take one for the team again, I have no choice but I am going to do it. I hate being alone, I love my privacy but I hate being alone. It really takes a toll on me, I can’t stand it.

Whats the status on my business? well, I was chugging along and when I got hit with this. I lost all motivation I had this planned out in my head of how this is going to go because this will take my time especially in the beginning. I don’t know if I want to stay or go back home. The name I wanted is taken but I think I came up with a new one… needs a lil umph though and sad to say but at least I have efficient money to really get what I need for my business. I am very taken by this once again we are being ripped apart, so we are just going to have to suck it up and keep moving on and praying.

Right now I hate to be strong… especially Army strong.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. saarew
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 15:53:11

    Thank you Shea. OMG! you seen my blog! I need a doctor!

    Reply

  2. Shea
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 15:19:59

    I love you and wish you could come back here so that you would be close to everyone.. and not be so depressed alone.. I am praying for you..

    Reply

  3. saarew
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 13:39:29

    Thank you guys soo much for the encouraging words! Ilove you granny. We will get through this the best we can 🙂

    Reply

  4. Mary Whittle
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 12:15:10

    Saare I am so sorry to hear that Brandon is having to deploy so soon. You will need to be strong for him as well as the kids. I know this is hard but it will all work out. Brandon will come back to you safe and sound and the time will pass by faster than you think. I love you Saare and if you need me I will be here for you and the kids during this hard time in your life. Enjoy the time you have and cherish every day for now so that it will help see you through the bad time that are about to com.

    Reply

  5. Kaleigh
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 09:21:37

    Prayers to u baby girl! I may not be an army wife but I sure do know about struggles and hardships… I’m here if u ever need to talk! **big hug**

    Reply

  6. Michelle
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 09:19:55

    Just read your blog Saare. I’m sorry about the upcoming deployment so soon – believe me I know how you feel! Sadly, they usually send soldiers fresh out of AIT to a base that is deployed or about to deploy because there the bases that need …soldiers the most 😦 I do know they are cutting down the time of a lot of deployments lately so a lot of the units that are there & supposed to be doing 12 months are doing 9-10 months so HOPEFULLY the 4 months they’re telling him is right!!! (Dont get your hopes up too high though because one thing I’ve learned in the Army is you can’t count on anything until it happens LOL). Just stay strong & remember this may actually work in his favor…..he’s gonna have a deployment under his belt but much shorter since he’s deploying later with the rest of the guys & they are changing the dwell time to 2 years so hopefully you’ll get a guaranteed 2 years with him home in exchange for a shorter than normal deployment instead of an entire year!!!! 🙂 P.S. Hope it doesn’t sound like I’m trying to minimize what you’re going through because I know this is a hard life & ANY time whatsoever away from your hubby is hard, especially when it is so close to already being apart for a year. I’m just trying to make you see what little positive side there is to it because I know it’s depressing!!! (((((Hugs)))))

    Reply

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